Girls Talk #12: A Conversation With My Younger Self

Girls Talk #12: A Conversation With My Younger Self

Hey you,

I want to start by saying thank you. Thank you for believing in me, sticking with me, and pushing me to carry on. We went through a lot of bad times, and I’m grateful to have learnt so much from you. You taught me that giving up is not an option. So, I want to share with you some things to return that favour, things that you can learn from too. I’ll start by saying that you’re going to do so well in life – you’ll do everyone around you proud. I know things are tough right now, but happiness will finally find you and there will be so much for you to smile about. Your life is going to turn around completely, all for the better. You’ll escape all the bad that’s going on around you, I promise. It’ll take time but please just hang on in there.

I’ve come a long way since we last saw each other, and I’ve grown into someone that I love – something I hope you can learn to do. I want to share with you the most important things I’ve learnt over the past few years, things I think you need to hear. Please read them carefully, they could really change your life. They might seem like small reminders, but they’ll make a big difference to your world.

#1: Be true to yourself

You’re not the best at doing this so it may take some work, but stop trying to be something you’re not. Hear me when I tell you this: you don’t need to be the smartest, the prettiest, the best at everything, or anything at all! I know it may seem like that’s the goal, but I promise you the world has so much more in store for you. The best thing you can be is you. It might seem cliche and a bit confusing as to what ‘being you’ means, but have faith that it will come with time, and you’ll find it much sooner if you stop trying to be something else.

Stop hating what you see when you look in the mirror. You don’t need the ‘perfect’ smile, the longest hair, a thigh gap or a flat stomach. Those things don’t mean anything. You’re unique, every part of you is individual to you, and that’s pretty special. Beauty fades, what’s important is what’s on the inside. It’s about how you touch the people around you with your kindness (and trust me you have a lot of that – so use it!). Life is short and you don’t get a second chance. You only get to be you, so be true to you and do it with the love and care that you deserve.

#2: You’ll find your path

Stop worrying about the future! It’s so pointless – the future is going to happen regardless of what you think. It may seem like you need to make all these huge decisions, but soon you’ll know what you are meant to do and how good you are at it. The more you worry about the end goal, the more you miss out on all the beautiful parts of life that you’ll experience along the way. Enjoy it! Laugh with your friends more, take care of yourself, spend time with your family and see the outdoors!

I know you’re overwhelmed with options right now. It’s a tough decision to choose what you want to do with your life, right? But things change, things will change – that’s why there’s no use in worrying about it all the time. It’s not obvious right now but I promise that if you believe in yourself and work hard, happiness will find you. Okay, I’ll give you a clue – you’re going to fall in love with helping people. You’re going to go on a very unique and special journey with yourself, and along the way you’ll meet some incredible human beings and find your passion to help people. Oh and you’re really good at it too.

#3: Fall in love with yourself

This is probably the most challenging of all. It’s not easy, and it’s not something you’ll achieve quickly either. It takes a lot of time, but I promise it’s worth it. Again, it’s not about the end result – it’s so much more about all the beautiful discoveries you’ll make along the way. Loving you is so much more than just liking what you see. You must recognise all your amazing qualities (and there are loads, trust me!), but also recognise your insecurities and love them in the same way. This may seem impossible right now, but that’s why I’m writing to you. All those insecurities, your weight, your curves, your skin and everything else you pick on – they will be the things you one day love the most, because you finally accept them. Love your quirks, the silliness, the goofiness and all the little tricks you have. If you don’t love you, it’ll be harder for other people to. And there’s so much to love – imagine being able to say that about yourself… and mean it!

#4: Stop caring so much about what other people think

Trust me when I tell you, the people you’re worrying about are so caught up in their own lives that they probably aren’t giving your life as much thought as you think. I know that you’re anxious, and you feel like everything you do is being judged. I won’t sugarcoat it – people will judge you. But life is made up of two things: what you can control, and what you can’t. The things you can’t control are not worth your time and energy, because they will just be. Let them pass. What you can control is what you should spend time on. How you react to situations, your outlook on life and the relationships you value – to name a few. What people think of you does NOT matter. I promise. You will be so much happier once you come to this realisation. The only opinion that matters is your own. Please don’t spend your life hating yourself. The sooner you start learning to love yourself, the sooner you’ll see why other people’s judgements just do not matter. You’ll be able to rise above it and feel content being you. People will always have something to say, and I don’t think you’ll ever be able to comprehend why they spend so much energy worrying about what others are doing. Be kind to people, and if they’re not kind back, just smile and wish some happiness into their life because they obviously need it.

#5: Let go of what doesn’t serve you

You are worth more than toxic relationships and friendships. You deserve kindness, loyalty, trust, honesty, and a whole lot of love and laughter. Please don’t settle for anything less. Take the time to analyse your situation, your life, what’s going on around you. One thing you can control is who you spend your time on. The people closest to you are the people you will be the most like, so think about that when you’re around those people. I know what you’re like, you try to please everyone and find the good in people. Sometimes you just can’t hold onto that. It’s okay to let go. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or a reason for cutting someone or something out of your life. If it brings negativity, get rid! Everything should serve you in some way. If it’s not worth spending your time on and not making you feel good or like you can be yourself, just move on from it. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back from being you.

Everything I do to this day is for you, because you deserve that. I was once so cruel to you, I’m deeply sorry for how I treated you in the past. I’m sorry for making you feel like you were never enough, for not loving you in the way that you deserved. I’ve spent a lot of time working on myself so I can pass over this advice to whoever might need it or benefit from it – and you were the first person to cross my mind. It hurts me so much to see what you’ve been through and how oblivious you are to all your amazing traits and qualities. I promise that what you’ve been waiting and hoping for is on its way. You’ll meet some incredible people that you’ll spend a whole lot of time around, loving and laughing how you’ve always wanted to. You’ll find your purpose and you’ll spend every single day trying to be better than the one before. Just hang in there. Life is a beautiful thing and I can’t wait for you to see how beautiful it will be for you.

I love you, take care.

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Cara

I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was four and I started reading Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss. Now here I am, a freelance journalist writing about everything that is important to me. Although I’ve not yet written a book, I love sharing my thoughts about important social issues and being a voice for those who need it most.

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